Hero Attire
by Stromguarde
Summary: Razor and Lesale talk about the outer coverings of other DoTA 2 heroes.


It's already late in the evening within the DoTA 2 universe and a lone serpentine figure skidded along the dimly lit streets and into a large building that's built solely for the purpose of linking into the Reality Rift, allowing the heroes to act in fanfics made by other writers and appear as themselves in gameplay. The huge structure was always open and never locked.

Lesale Deathbringer entered the establishment and looked around, and saw another lone figure at the far right corner.

Seeing its bluish light emanating from itself, the Venomancer went to its location slowly until the figure itself noticed his presence.

"Oh sorry you caught me doing my yoga, you're expecting Nevermore perhaps?" The figure spoke to him.

"I thought Nevermore's going to be here too?" Lesale responded to the question, which is said by no other than Razor, the one who invited him here in the first place.

"Nevermore's currently in another dimension training his kid. He doesn't want us peeking in so it's just going to be the two of us now… Got your list?"

Lesale turned to his side, revealing a small bag strapped to him "It's in the bag"

Razor pulled out a small piece of paper from the bag and examined its contents "So these are the things that don't make sense in the gaming world of DoTA 2? Seems like a lot but I think the Fundamentals could easily answer this all saying they are made to induce balance in the game. Those fundamentals always fix and limit our abilities whenever we enter the _Door of Balance_ anyway so we can do nothing about unless we talk to the Elder Titan himself"

"That could be a good idea; I hate being so limited when I enter gameplay. My lore said that my poisons can disintegrate anything but how come I can see the enemy's HP bar stop to 1? My venoms cannot even kill!" Lesale complained as he rested his head on the table "The Elder Titan's the leader of the Fundamentals, right? I bet we could complain to him"

"The Elder Titan created the gaming world for DoTA 2 and the fundamentals are the ones tasked to create balance among us, Jake. We could take it up to him but we don't know here he is right now" Razor called Lesale by his nickname "You're sounding a lot like Kaldr, always complaining about his popularity level"

"Kaldr stopped ranting about a week ago; Black Thunder helped him, remember?"

"Oh yes… So our issue tonight is about armor? Is this about why some heroes wear armor in battle while some not?" Razor said while looking at the paper he got from Lesale's bag. The paper contained the names of things Lesale thought about the DoTA 2 gaming dimension that isn't right.

"Oh yeah, just wondering… It's been bugging me for the last two weeks" Lesale said as Razor took out his phone "I know we can't feel any physical harm while we kill each other out there in the gaming dimension, I know that our health is only displayed as a bar above our heads, I know the blood sputtering out is nothing but a graphical design but… Isn't it wrong to just dash into battle without proper armor?"

Razor paused for a while "Like you and lots of others out there? What's so bad about that? We cannot even feel the weapons passing through us although there's that annoying blood effect though. What can I complain about it? We're only being controlled by the people in the Reality Rifts"

"I know it doesn't make any sense, but isn't it more realistic if we fight with armor? Like Sven or Tresdin or even you" Lesale tried to take a peek as to what Razor's doing with his phone "And what are you doing?"

"I was to check my base in Broom Beach but the wifi's out again, can you check if Black Thunder's around? That buffalo sucks out the internet wherever he goes" Razor looked around.

"Razor, Black's already sleeping by now, we're the only ones here! Can we please go back to the topic of armor?"

"Jake, the gaming world doesn't care about armor, they only care about the looks of the characters" Razor sighed "Look at some of the heroes that are required to wear armor, found the pattern already?"

"No…"

"Lesale, take it this way, who in the right mind would wear brightly colored armor in the middle of a war? Only the gaming world does that, right? I've seen some war movies from the Reality Rift; they use dull-colored armor to better camouflage to their surroundings. Here we have a colorful arsenal of heroes, isn't it great?"

"I just noticed something…" Lesale looked up, wondering.

"And what is that, Jake?"

"This doesn't consider armor at all but why are we forced to wear color-coded attire that matches to our magic. Look at me for example, I could be colored blue or black but why green? To match my poison powers?"

"You're making sense now; heroes with elemental magic wear matching clothing. Red for fire and blue for lightning or ice, I know it doesn't make enough sense but why do we even need to be color-coded? I know it looks cool to wear matching clothing but I'd like to wear green too you know" Razor looked at his glowing blue armor "The fundamentals never liked to break the rules. Elder Titan, whatever his name is, seems like a good ol' guy. Maybe we can request a game just to the heroes here? And the twist would be that none should be limited to the skills we use in the game?"

"Sounds cool enough for me, I can't wait to see how my venoms really dissolve people. Kaldr would definitely agree to that and I think he'd challenge Yurnero in a one-on-one fight just to see the girl's sword break upon hitting the ice" Lesale chuckled "Where is he anyway? Isn't he on vacation? He's not that popular enough so I think he just went off to cool down this summer"

"Can we just stop about Yurnero? The guy has life issues and Carl and he will be switching their appearances in the gaming dimension this week in the hopes of getting a little rest. Now back to the attire heroes should be wearing, I think the people from the Reality Rift wouldn't like the idea of changing hero color schemes-" Razor's sentence was cut off again.

"Why are we called heroes?" Lesale asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Because we defeat the bad guys" Came Razor's answer.

"Aren't the Dire the bad guys?"

"Did you know that DoTA 2 makes no sense?" Razor replied after a brief pause.

"I think you just said a line from the DoTA 2 Reportings, you know, the one in Yootube"

"I know I just stole Enigma's line but I think he's totally right. Care to talk about hero color more, Jake?"

"I'll never understand hero color-coding. I think the Fundamentals put it because it suits us? Look at Viper for example, he's green too because of his poison thingy. Lyralei, Nature's Profit and Kaolin are green too because it suits their nature-style stuffs. Pyromancers are red, Cryomancers are blue, I don't even know why am I saying that rhyme"

"So the whole idea of armor is just basically for physical appearance, case solved. After all, we don't even feel we're being hit anyway so…"

"I have a question about the guys" Lesale said, resting his head on the table once more.

"Shoot"

"Why do they wear revealing outfits?"

"Revealing outfits? What are you talking about? Are you talking about topless heroes like Tidehunter and Yurnero?"

"I was referring to the human guys, like Crystal for example"

"Crystal's a guy? You mixed up your pronouns again. I think you're referring to the girls" Razor corrected his companion.

"How am I supposed to know that?! I'm a venomancing snake! My lore is just made up. I mean, how can a person become some sort of snake? If I'm just a mutated person, I would still look like a human somehow"

"Just remember, Jake, whenever you see someone that looked like her, it's a girl OK? Geez, why do you always mix up your pronouns?"

"What about ghostly heroes? I can't even distinguish what a female voice sounds like"

"Girls have higher-pitched voices, understand?"

"Sniper and Weaver are girls then?"

Razor mildly slapped himself in the face a few times, he'd known Lesale for a long time and still he doesn't know the correct pronouns to use and still cannot distinguish between male or female "Fine, whatever you say. But the point is that females have this basic body shape, OK?"

"What do you mean?"

"Take Kaldr and Enigma for example, or even Nevermore. Then compare them with Krobelus and Mercurial…" Razor paused for a while, and then continued "What are we even talking about? What's your real issue with them?"

"How can wearing revealing clothing protect them? I know we cannot experience any sort of physical harm in the gaming dimension but, how can those protect them? Isn't it wrong to wear those?"

"So said the naked snake"

"I have armored scales and you have that what-the-hell armor around you, we're both protected"

"You watch anime?" Razor asked, ending up with Lesale's raised eyebrow "You know, the ones from the Reality Rift?"

"Ahh those, why?"

"Noticed the 'guys' when they go out to fight some magic monsters" Razor emphasized the word 'guys' to make sure Lesale gets the point "What do you notice?"

"Exposed"

"Exactly. I've researched enough whenever the internet-sucker Black Thunder is not around and I tell you this… That thing is called fanservice, I don't know whether it's the same issue here but come on!"

"Maybe because Black Thunder absorbs the internet is the reason why he still couldn't get out there and be used as a hero himself?" Lesale said, going off-topic. "I still have a lot to learn though"

"Going back… Take Crystal for example-"

Lesale interrupted him again "Why do you always use Riley as an example?"

"Because she's so damn famous, got it?"

"Yep, got it" Lesale nodded.

"Going back to the topic… Crystal's attire is supposed to be her clothing during her 'Northern Times'" Razor, once again, emphasized a word "Then why in the world she would wear something like that? Ask someone to wear those and go in the freezer, it's not the appropriate attire"

"He's an ice mage, he's immune to the cold"

"Then why does she wear clothes like that? Explain that to me, Jake"

Lesale couldn't answer, Razor was right about this "I just noticed that Sven's helm has too little holes for the eyes and Yurnero's mask has no holes for the eyes at all! Well maybe they're Void's cousins? And you-" Lesale narrowed his eyes on Razor's helmet "How come you never remove that helmet?"

"I got helmet hair, stop asking questions… And please use the right pronouns, Jake… And it's my turn to ask you a simple question… I've read about Akasha's kind recently on the internet and I'll ask you this…" Razor paused for a moment, and then proceeded "How can she attract someone if she has a face that looks like a senior citizen?"

"Isn't she only, like 30 in this dimension? I know she's magically transformed upon entering the _Door of Balance_ but I'll now answer your question….." Lesale kept pacing around and took a while before answering "His bikini armor perhaps?"

"Razor shook his head upon hearing Lesale use the wrong gender pronouns again "Let's just not talk about that OK? Now what about some heroes like Ostarion, Purist, Raijin, Xin and some others who wear regular clothing. Add the ladies there and they're complete. Why do the fundamentals force them to wear such normal clothing… in a war?"

"Some things are destined to be what they are"

"I can never understand this game, so many inconsistencies"

"Why don't you complain to the developers, the fundamentals?"

"It's not as easy as it looks" Razor shook his head again "Tried it before…"

A moment of silence between them until someone appeared from the _Door of Balance, _startling the two that was already there.

"Have you guys started already?" It was Nevermore, slowly floating towards their location "The kid's soon ready to face the challenges of the world on his own"

"By using the scythe you gave him?" Razor asked, looking interested "And some darkness powers? Where have you been? You always talk about this boy you're helping out"

"Well actually, I just came from a different DoTA 2 dimension where Azwraith is the main villain and some other non-cliché stuff. I was helping a boy with a tragic life there. You two were there too in that plane! Too bad you two don't always have that mood of visiting other planes" Nevermore said cheerfully.

"Jake and I are not in the mood again"

"Hey guys, you gotta try this new game my boy always plays" Nevermore said, placing his palms on the table before them.

"What is it?" asked Lesale, curious as always.

"Winecraft, it's about building structures using only but wine bottles… Anyway, what's up?"

"We're just finished with our talking and you showed up, that's all. By the way, the internet's out and this paper Jake brought us have nothing interesting on it and can be easily answered by that same-old fundamental speech."

"_It's for balancing purposes_" All three of them said in unison.

"Oh I don't think so" Nevermore said in a rather cheerful tone, I just talked to the Elder Titan back there and told us that he plans to create a realistic gameplay next week!"

"You mean he's taking his vacation in the same plane you keep visiting? That's good news then. I can't wait to see how my lightning skills do without that stupid limitation. Razor's hands sparked with electricity "Why the hell you just said it now?"

"I don't know but, if we aren't limited to our skills, I'm sure our enemies aren't limited too. Let's just hope there's a cryomancer in our team" Lesale said, looking around, seemingly checking if other heroes are around.

"Relax…" Nevermore patted Lesale's back "I'm sure the fundamentals will go by the method of popular versus unpopular. In that case, they have Yurnero, Crystal, Sven and some other two moderately popular heroes"

"We can be sure of that…" Razor said as he floated up and gestured for the others to leave the establishment. All excited at this limitless brawl that's going to be held next week..


End file.
